The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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