I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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