Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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