i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
