I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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