I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
