oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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