Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
