I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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