I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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