ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
