I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
