Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
