I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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