I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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