I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just puked most of my soul out..
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