Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
