Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
