Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
