god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
