I'm drive I can fine osifer
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
