I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
