my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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