and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
