So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
