god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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