i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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