if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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