Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize