We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize