We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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