My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Boobs are out for the taking
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
