She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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