come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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