she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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