I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
