i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
