so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
