True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
