I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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