funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
