I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
