You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
