I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
