Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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