Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
