I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are a genius and a whore.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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