Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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