is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
