Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
