so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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