I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you would pick up someone in the library
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
