I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
