Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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