I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
