thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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