Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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