I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sober January is a disaster.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We have started to decorate penises.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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