Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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