Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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