He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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