oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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