Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
