Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
