Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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