I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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