you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
