I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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