Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
