Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
